The Olive Gal

green of skin, black of heart

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Category: Extreme Sarcasm

I’m Back!
May 25, 2015 The Olive Gal 2 Comments
  • Extreme Sarcasm

I’m Back!

Cue the James Brown: In The Emperor’s New Groove, Emperor Kuzco makes everyone feel like scum because they can’t get down to their own theme song like he can. Well, suck it, Kuzco. James Brown wrote this song…

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Now I Can Open My Meatball Buffet
May 5, 2015 The Olive Gal 1 Comment
  • Extreme Sarcasm

Now I Can Open My Meatball Buffet

Let’s cut to the chase: I was laid off on Monday. Well, hello! And how are you? I’ve been better, I’ve got to say. Being laid off kinda sucks pond scum (shout out to my dad…

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Italian Superstitions Gone Wrong
April 9, 2015 The Olive Gal 1 Comment
  • Extreme Sarcasm

Italian Superstitions Gone Wrong

It’s finally happened. I’ve cracked and gone full religious fanatic. Which is pretty funny, coming from an atheist. After much turmoil surrounding the sale of our house and purchase of a new one, I’ve come to a…

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The Universe is Having a Good Laugh at My Expense
March 31, 2015April 1, 2015 The Olive Gal No Comments
  • Extreme Sarcasm

The Universe is Having a Good Laugh at My Expense

This morning, I asked my mom a question. I said, “I know people always tell you to stay positive. But how do you do that when every signal points to things not working out? How do…

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I’m in a Glass Case of Emotion
March 22, 2015 The Olive Gal 2 Comments
  • Extreme Sarcasm

I’m in a Glass Case of Emotion

There’s a reason why you all haven’t heard from me in a while. I’ve been trapped in a glass case of emotion. It’s called real estate hell. While the experience has been nothing short of dramatic…

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Buying and Selling: An Emotional Roller Coaster
March 3, 2015March 3, 2015 The Olive Gal 2 Comments
  • Extreme Sarcasm

Buying and Selling: An Emotional Roller Coaster

I’ve always hated roller coasters. The slow grinding of the gears as they inch their way up a steep incline. The rust-scented steel bar across your lap that either cuts off your circulation or feels loose enough…

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I’m Not Impressed By Your Giant Snowstorm
January 28, 2015February 2, 2015 The Olive Gal No Comments
  • Extreme Sarcasm

I’m Not Impressed By Your Giant Snowstorm

You got 34 inches of snow, you say? You can’t get out of your slider door? You spent two days holed up with family watching movies and drinking hot cocoa and sliding down the hills in…

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I’m 34 Years Old and Went Shopping at Hot Topic
January 20, 2015January 20, 2015 The Olive Gal 2 Comments
  • Extreme Sarcasm

I’m 34 Years Old and Went Shopping at Hot Topic

Go ahead, judge me. I certainly did. I walked by the store in our local lame-ass mall this Saturday evening, and I saw me a Dr. Who Tardis dress hanging in the store window. The very…

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Toddler Bedtime is the Absolute Worst
December 18, 2014 The Olive Gal No Comments
  • Extreme Sarcasm

Toddler Bedtime is the Absolute Worst

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Of course you have, but I don’t care because this is my blog and I do what I want. Does that sound like the voice of someone who had…

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All I Want for Christmas is to Poop in Peace
December 1, 2014December 1, 2014 The Olive Gal No Comments
  • Extreme Sarcasm

All I Want for Christmas is to Poop in Peace

Is that too much to ask? When I sat down with my in-laws to discuss Secret Santa presents, and we all went around the table saying what we wanted, I secretly yearned to whisper this phrase:…

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Free meatballs for life!

  • theolivegal RT @marcmaron: No one shit on the dead he didn’t like more than Rush. Always. He would be honored to be treated in kind. Quit crying. Time ago 8 Days via Twitter for iPhone Reply - Retweet - Favorite
  • RT @MarlowNYC: Dave Chappelle: “Watch the tape. Watch that crowd that told Colin Kaepernick he can’t kneel during a football game try to be… Time ago 13 Days via Twitter for iPhone Reply - Retweet - Favorite
  • Watching the “Framing Britney Spears” documentary by @nytimes is giving me some serious Girl, Interrupted vibes. #FreeBritney Time ago 13 Days via Twitter for iPhone Reply - Retweet - Favorite

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