I was already well past childhood when I first discovered Harry Potter. A friend introduced me in college and insisted that it would be one of the best reads of my life. Since I had a crush on him, and since one of my favorite books of all-time was a fantasy children’s novel (A Wrinkle in Time), I figured, sure, what the heck. And then, as I quickly devoured the three books that were out at the time, I was magically transported back to being a 10-year-old nerd.
Yes, I was that girl who stood in line for the midnight releases of the novels.
Yes, I very seriously considered drawing a scar on my forehead to go see the movies.
Yes, I still catch myself wanting to buy Gryffindor maroon-and-yellow scarves.
Yes, I plan on dragging Lucas to Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida, mostly for my own entertainment.
So when news broke that JK Rowling had released an article on her Pottermore website that was an update on Harry Potter-and-company’s adult lives, you bet your ass I immediately tracked it down, read it, and then spent the next hour analyzing it with my husband and friends.
Unfortunately, Harry Potter-and-company’s adult lives seem a little sad and boring, at least through the eyes of the Daily Prophet’s gossip columnist Rita Skeeter. (Humor me for a minute if you aren’t a HP enthusiast.) So I decided to come up with a fun game and imagine book titles for sad, boring, adult Harry. Here are a few of my favorites:
Harry Potter and the Sexless Marriage With Ginny
Harry Potter and the I SWEAR I WILL CRUCIATUS CURSE YOU KIDS IF YOU DON’T STOP YELLING
Harry Potter and the Obnoxious Friend on Facebook Who Likes Every Post
Harry Potter and the Auror Job That Doesn’t Pay Enough to Cover Hogwarts Tuition for Three Kids
And these, from Jezebel commenters:
Harry Potter and the Obtrusive In-Laws
Harry Potter and the Overheard Slur Against Goblins When Checking his Gringott’s Hedge-fund Management Fees
Harry Potter and the Realization That He Peaked At Age 18
So have at it, Harry Potter fans! What book titles would you come up with if you had to sum up boring adulthood (even in the magical world)?
The Olive Gal
green of skin, black of heart
