Tonight, my husband and I were cozied up on the couch watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, when we came upon the scene where (SPOILER ALERT…which, if you haven’t seen the Harry Potters yet, I’m not sure we can be friends) Harry is at death’s door but is saved by Fawkes the Phoenix. Fawkes bends over Harry’s poisonous wound and cries big crocodile tears onto it, healing the puncture. Then, as the music crescendos and the wound magically closes up, Harry totally deflates the moment by commenting dryly:
“Of course. Phoenix tears have healing powers.”
I don’t know about you, but if I were at death’s door and had been saved by a giant bird crying onto me, I’d be a wee bit more demonstrative. Probably something along the lines of holymothershit I’m alive! I’m alliiiiiiiivveee! But I digress.
I started complaining to Alex that I was annoyed at the line because 1. it’s delivered so poorly, bless mini-Daniel Radcliffe’s heart and 2. it just feels anti-climatic. However, I also understood why the filmmakers made the choice to have Harry say it, because Dumbledore only mentions the fact that phoenix tears have healing powers in passing earlier in the movie, and it’s not like that’s a known fact in the universe.
My husband turns to me and is like, uhhhh, yeah it is. That’s common knowledge. I knew about phoenix tears having healing powers in 1995.
I’m sorry, come again?
[Sidebar: YES, THIS IS HOW OUR FREAKING ARGUMENT BEGAN AND IT ONLY GETS NERDIER FROM HERE. WE DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT OUR SON OR OUR JOBS OR OUR MONEY OR SEX. WE ARGUE ABOUT FREAKING HARRY POTTER.]
Now my feathers are ruffled (pun intended). I explain that while most people likely know about the phoenix being reborn from its ashes, the idea that phoenix tears have healing powers is either made up by J.K. Rowling or a facet of the mythology that is likely only known by those who’ve read up on it a lot. Either way, it is not common knowledge.
Alex’s rebuttal: not true. It is. I know it. Just because you don’t know it doesn’t mean it isn’t well-known.
Touche. (Yes, there’s an accent there, and I’m too lazy to figure out how to do this on WordPress.)
So naturally, I turn to the expert, Dr. Google. I don’t find too much: a Harry Potter wiki and a bunch of crap about hemp oil.
I type in other search terms: phoenix tears healing, phoenix healing powers, phoenix mythology, etc., and I do find some potential for variations on the phoenix legend, but nothing that suggests this is a well-known trope except for a single entry on Yahoo answers, which as we all know is home to simple-minded back-country folk who still use Yahoo as a search engine.
Anyway, THIS RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT IS STILL GOING, GUYS. I showed my findings to the husband, and he decided that he did not trust my Dr. Google results so he was going to get a second opinion. After a brief search he found mention of the phoenix being used as a summons to bring characters back to life in one of the Final Fantasy video games, and he presented this as proof he is right.
Sigh. Hang in there. We are nearing the end of this incredibly ridiculous argument. Just one more descent into the inner circle of nerd-dom, and we’re there.
I retort to these findings: First of all, that says nothing about tears. Second of all, that makes sense because the whole thing about phoenixes is that they symbolize rebirth. Third of all, you can’t use a video game symbol as proof that this exists in the general mythology. If that were the case, you could argue that because mushrooms give you an extra life in Super Mario Bros., that means everyone knows that mushrooms have healing powers.
Husband counters: MUSHROOMS MAKE YOU BIGGER, THEY DON’T GIVE YOU EXTRA LIFE.
Oh. My. God. Is it over yet? It wasn’t quite over yet, but I’ll save you from any further pain. You see, every argument ends the same way with us. My husband, despite clearly losing the argument, lets me know that he’s right 100 percent of the time, which is why I give up. I let him know that I give up because I know I’m right, but he’s so goddamn annoying that I just want him to stop talking.
THE END.
The Olive Gal
green of skin, black of heart
Hey I want you to know that I was looking into phoenix lore for a story I’m writing and wanted to use the healing tear thing and then was like, “wait. This isn’t appearing in any of the lore. Oh my god. Is this not actual lore. Did JKR make it up????” And I have been reading site after site with the same information and the ONLY thing I’m finding about phoenix tears healing is from Harry Potter. That’s it. I’m so mad.