I work in an area of Monterey that is fairly remote. Our street is a loop called Ryan Ranch, where there are several business parks, but in reality, we are all camped out in the hills and brush, surrounded by a bunch of nature. On my daily walk, I might encounter some large snakes, lizards, a bobcat, a peacock (there’s one in the wild randomly) and, when the mood is right, there are most definitely a shitton of wild turkeys at hand.
Today the turkeys are out in full force, and they are chilling across the street in front of the Alzheimer’s Association office complex. No less than three males have their tail feathers fluffed as they strut and gobble, trying to show off for the ladies. Here’s where the fun comes in:
The ladies don’t give a fuuuuuuuuuu.
I have constructed this entire turkey dialogue in my head that I will now share with you. I present:
Turkey Sausage Fest
Dude-Bro Turkey #1: Yo. You see that fine-ass chick over there? I’m totally gonna bang her.
Dude-Bro Turkey #2: You must be outta your damn mind. I’m the one who’s going to hit that.
Dude-Bro Turkey #1: I’m gonna fluff my tail feathers out. She won’t be able to resist, son.
Dude-Bro Turkey #2: Nah, I’m gonna fluff MY tail feathers. Look at these beautiful feathers. She’s Thanksgiving dinner.
Dude-Bro Turkeys #1 and #2 puff out their feathers and show their asses to the female, who continues to rummage on the ground for food and be otherwise engaged in her own business. The Dude-Bro Turkeys inch closer and closer to her, ass-first. She is unimpressed.
Dude-Bro Turkeys #1 and #2: My tail feathers, look at my tail feathers. Tail feathers, tail feathers. These are spectacular tail feathers, you don’t even know.
Dude-Bro Turkey #3 enters.
Dude-Bro Turkey #3: I’m here for the gang bang.
Female turkey has completely left the parking lot.
End Scene.
This is what happens when a bunch of turkeys park themselves outside your office window on a Friday and you are avoiding your work. Thank you, wilderness, for the welcome distraction.
The Olive Gal
green of skin, black of heart
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