Category: Extreme Sarcasm
Now I Can Open My Meatball Buffet
Let’s cut to the chase: I was laid off on Monday. Well, hello! And how are you? I’ve been better, I’ve got to say. Being laid off kinda sucks pond scum (shout out to my dad…
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Italian Superstitions Gone Wrong
It’s finally happened. I’ve cracked and gone full religious fanatic. Which is pretty funny, coming from an atheist. After much turmoil surrounding the sale of our house and purchase of a new one, I’ve come to a…
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The Universe is Having a Good Laugh at My Expense
This morning, I asked my mom a question. I said, “I know people always tell you to stay positive. But how do you do that when every signal points to things not working out? How do…
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I’m in a Glass Case of Emotion
There’s a reason why you all haven’t heard from me in a while. I’ve been trapped in a glass case of emotion. It’s called real estate hell. While the experience has been nothing short of dramatic…
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Buying and Selling: An Emotional Roller Coaster
I’ve always hated roller coasters. The slow grinding of the gears as they inch their way up a steep incline. The rust-scented steel bar across your lap that either cuts off your circulation or feels loose enough…
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I’m Not Impressed By Your Giant Snowstorm
You got 34 inches of snow, you say? You can’t get out of your slider door? You spent two days holed up with family watching movies and drinking hot cocoa and sliding down the hills in…
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I’m 34 Years Old and Went Shopping at Hot Topic
Go ahead, judge me. I certainly did. I walked by the store in our local lame-ass mall this Saturday evening, and I saw me a Dr. Who Tardis dress hanging in the store window. The very…
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Toddler Bedtime is the Absolute Worst
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Of course you have, but I don’t care because this is my blog and I do what I want. Does that sound like the voice of someone who had…
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All I Want for Christmas is to Poop in Peace
Is that too much to ask? When I sat down with my in-laws to discuss Secret Santa presents, and we all went around the table saying what we wanted, I secretly yearned to whisper this phrase:…
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