My Friends Wouldn’t Let Me Watch the Patriots Game

Stupid sports superstitions. Being a Boston fan, I’m pretty much a slave to some of the crazier neuroses of the religiously devoted. That includes required hissing at Yankee fans (No matter what the situation. If I’m in a job interview and my potential future employer admits to being a Yankee fan, I will hiss at her. I will.), belting out Neil Diamond at the top of my lungs every 8th inning, and never, ever, EVER in-the-bagging a game.

What does it mean to in-the-bag it, you ask?

If my team is up 14 points to nothing with 2 minutes left to go before the half and I say, “Oh, it’s in the bag,” then I am pretty much damning my team to a second half of missed opportunities, fumbles, and epic opposing team comebacks. My self-assured over-confidence insures they will lose. It just does. So I won’t say my team’s got this until there are zero seconds left to play. I don’t care if the Red Sox are up 13 to 2 in the 9th inning with 2 outs and 2 strikes. Not gonna say it.

So you’ll forgive me if I flip out on my friend Eric for constantly in-the-bagging Patriots games (see Super Bowls XLII and XLVI vs. the stupid Giants and their stupid quarterback Eli Manning). Those losses are his fault. He in-the-bagged it and the Patriots paid the price.

So you’ll forgive me again when Eric in-the-bagged the Patriots game this weekend in the first quarter (!!) after my team scored two unanswered touchdowns. During this time, I was sitting in the kitchen, helping to put out appetizers with some other friends and munching on yummy things. Just as I settled down on the couch to get into the game, (and just after Eric made his prediction), Indianapolis started a comeback. While I was quick to point a finger at Eric, the rest of the gang was quick to point a finger right back at me.

“The Patriots were 14-0 with you sitting over there,” Eric reasoned. “Now Indianapolis is 7-0 with you sitting over here.”

Damn you, Eric, and your completely sound and rational logic! Still, I balked and stubbornly refused to get out of my seat. After all, of all my friends watching the game I was the only one actually from New England. They’re MY team, dammit!

When Indy scored another field goal, though, guess who was out of her chair and ostracized to the kitchen? This gal.

From that point on, the game swung back in the Patriots’ favor. Was it because Eric’s in-the-bag prediction was right? Was it because I moved seats? I dunno. What I do know is I have a sore neck from craning to watch the game over my shoulder while my other pals relaxed in front of the big screen. Bastards.

Next week I am grabbing a seat front and center for the Denver game and I AM NOT MOVING.

…unless Peyton Manning and the Broncos score two unanswered touchdowns.

green of skin, black of heart

4 thoughts on “My Friends Wouldn’t Let Me Watch the Patriots Game

  1. lol. Don’t get mad at me! i just find the trends and point them out. The recipe for Patriots win is, u atleast 15 feet away from tv, alex sleeping and me talking shit

  2. If those fellas on the field need you to sit in a certain place so they can win, then you should probably get a cut of their paycheck. #JustSayin #AndASuperBowlRing

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