I am not an evil person.
Edit: I am not that evil of a person.
I consider myself a compassionate, loving parent. As most parents with a heart will attest, seeing your child sick or in pain is among the worst feelings a person can feel. It’s right up there with watching your football team choke against their nemesis or having your favorite TV show cancelled.
When my son was 2 years old, he was moved up at his daycare center from the baby side to the pre-school side, and he wandered around a little aimless for the first week or so. He was a little bewildered, a little out of sorts, but he wasn’t traumatized or anything. I, on the other hand, was a basketcase. The image of him standing alone on the playground while all the big kids whizzed by with their aggressive play and their back talk kept flashing before my eyes throughout the day, and I’d be seized with the ugly cries until someone talked me through it.
Sometimes your children’s discomfort is harder on you than it is on them.
So when my son gets upset, crying crocodile tears that drip off his chin, when he yells out for his Mama with arms outstretched, I am so upset that I’m moved to…laugh my ass off.
What the heck is wrong with me?! Seriously, that’s some deep subconscious level effed upness that I don’t quite understand. I’m pretty in touch with my neuroses and faults, but this one is baffling on every level. It’s like that Modern Family episode when Claire can’t help but smile whenever she tells people her elderly neighbor passed away. WHY, BRAIN, WHHHHHY?
I try and hide it from my little guy, but he sees me laugh and it just makes him even more upset. I think it’s time I figure this thing out. Am I just so uncomfortable at his cries that I laugh out of nervousness? Am I secretly a total d-bag sociopath who takes pleasure in other people’s pain? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
Do you guys ever crack up when your kid cries, or am I really that crazy?